It's Like Coming Home....

2007 is almost over. Counting days....
2 nights ago, i dreamt that i’m coming home to Medan. Back to my once room, and there’s kak wiwik, iir, and kak mimin (though i cant see their face clearly). They looked shocked seeing me back. Wondering what brought me back. I got my old room, and the chair, the bed, the desk, the suitcase are still the same as i left before. Nothing has changed. They look exactly the same. And the white board where i used to write my thoughts is still hanging there. And the big mirror is still hanging next to my bed. Medan map is still stick on the wall on the left of my bed.
O...God..., i miss those things a lot. I miss them a lot. I still cant let go of them. I’m holding on to the thought that somehow i will go back there someday and live the days i used to be. It’s the place i call home for the last four years... it’s where i belong...
In that dream, i feel so relieve..., though i’m stress cuz i dont know what should i do by now. But seeing them..., be around them..., makes me feel safe and comfort. And talking to kak wiwik..., make her laugh, make jokes about her..., tease her...., it’s like making fun to myself.
And i miss kak icha...i miss her a lot. Though we’re no longer under the same roof, but feels like she still sleep there, next to Ongki's bedroom. And i knew (though she never tell) that she misses to come back here, to where she called “the longest place she ever lived in”. i miss her... i can talk about everything to her. I’m not afraid of talking louder and rude cus she never cared about it. I’m not afraid to complain about everything to her. But the worst part is..., i never knew how much she meant to me untill the day i left Medan. Untill the day i cried and knowing in my heart that i may never come back here. I may never breathe this air, i may never step this ground anymore... and even if i ever come back here someday..., she wouldnt even still here. Those people i used to know may no longer live here. They might have gone away by that day... and i'm all alone...

you've been my golden best friend
now with post-demise at hand
i can't go to you for consolation
cause we're off limits during this transition

this grief overwhelms me
it burns in my stomach
and I can't stop bumping into things

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
but I was sadly mistaken

you've been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
with you I knew god's face was handsome
with you I suffered an expansion

this loss is numbing me
it pierces my chest
and I can't stop dropping everything

I thought we'd be sexy together
thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
but I was sadly mistaken

if I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
if I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
if I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
my wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
thought we'd be adventurous together
but I was sadly mistaken

thought we'd be exploring together
thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
thought we'd be on fire together
but I was sadly mistaken
(Simple Together – Alanis Morisette)